#7 Celebrating Yourself

Finally, another post! The blog has been on the back burner the past couple of months. Life has been a bit hectic and the days have been flying past - it's like I blinked on October 31st and all of a sudden it's a week until Christmas #thatshitcray.

My last post mentioned I still hadn't found out my exam results, but a few days after I was finally put out of my misery/anxiety; Not only had I passed, but I actually achieved 93% - I am pretty sure I have never performed that well in an essay based exam before. I was so shocked my first thought was 'oh my gosh, they must have given me the wrong mark'. Even though I had worked so hard leading up to the exam (I literally became a recluse for a few weeks) I still found it hard to believe that I was capable of doing that well, which is obviously BS. While I believe it's important to be humble, it's just as important to recognise when you have done well, worked hard and achieved something.

These thoughts brought me back to my school life, particularly to one conversation with my form tutor, who said to me "Kelsey, you must learn to celebrate yourself. It's okay to be proud of yourself. If you don't, then who will?". Until that point I thought it was kinda arrogant to recognise your achievements and be proud of things you had done; I didn't have the self-esteem or confidence to say "I was actually good at that" or "I worked really hard and I'm proud of what I've achieved." I do think we Brits have a habit of being self deprecating, but if you go through life only highlighting your weaknesses or mistakes and not noting your achievements, you will end up feeling like shit all the time. I have this awful habit of being super hard on myself, like nothing is ever good enough (I am sure others will relate to this) but we have to learn it's okay to be satisfied with something as it is. Looking back, though I have always done well and worked hard, I'm sure my lack of self-celebration actually stopped me from reaching my full potential. I wasn't allowing myself to believe I was capable of doing better so I stagnated my self-improvement.

Self-esteem and confidence is something most of us struggle with at some point, but ever since that conversation with my tutor I am conscious of how I treat myself and allow myself to be proud and satisfied with things I have done. Even though my first thought after receiving my exam results was 'there must be a mistake', I quickly recognised that my hard work had paid off and I had done really well. Even though I have times where I doubt myself, I always try to replace a negative thought with a positive one. Sometimes only we know how hard we work, so we can't rely on others to give us praise, it has to come from within. And let's be honest, no matter how many people might praise or compliment us, if we don't truly believe it then it rarely makes a difference. However, I do think it is important to recognise others' achievements and let them know when they're doing a good job, because having someone else believe in you can really raise your confidence - just don't rely on it!

Getting that exam result made me think about how easy it can be to get into thought patterns where you constantly undervalue yourself. Whenever I'm feeling rubbish I'm going to look back at that moment, where I worked hard and achieved a great result, and remind myself that I am capable and worthy of success. Even if the outcome is not what you expected, recognise your hard work and use it to improve what you do the next time. I implore you to find even one thing that you've done well, no matter how small, and cling onto it with all your might and remind yourself of it in times of doubt. While we should always be looking to improve, we must be at peace with where we are now and allow ourselves to celebrate our strengths and achievements.

#6 Appreciating the Present

One motto I try to live by is to be present in the moment and be grateful for what I have right now. It sounds cliché and simple, but with so many distractions around (and if you have a noisy brain like me) it's easy to fall into the habit of thinking about the past, worrying about the future, and comparing your present to other people's leaving you feeling like crap and not fully living in your present.

Of course it's nice to reminisce about the past and it's also pretty useful to have some direction for the future, but when they start to take over actually 'living in the now' then, in my opinion, that is no bueno. Anxiety is brilliant at stealing the present by focusing on what has happened or what could happen, so I try to be as mindful as possible and refocus my attention on the now.

When I feel I am dwelling on the past I remind myself that we often look back with rose-tinted glasses and that my past has brought me to my present, so I should learn from the past, be thankful for it and acknowledge what's done is done. The past was once my present, and my present will soon be my past, so I should make the most of the moment I am in.

With the internet and social media as prevalent as ever in our lives, we are constantly plugged in and I hate when I catch myself mindlessly scrolling through instagram or twitter; if I feel I'm looking at my phone too much I'll put it on flight mode for an hour. When I'm out I try not to look at my phone at all so I can take in my surroundings and appreciate what's going on, rather than looking at or reading about what someone else is doing. We often share the best parts of our days/lives so it can feel as if everyone is having an amazing time and has their shit together, except you. I don't think there is anything wrong with only sharing your highlights, back in the day people would ask artists to paint them without any flaws, it's just human nature! However, I am mindful that what I see is a censored version of someone's life, we all have stuff going on that is not instagram-able, that's just a part of life. And so what if someone is prettier, earns more, has more, is more together or having a better time? Those things are all subjective, and it doesn't mean you're crap. Be happy for that person and be thankful for what you have - at least that's what I tell myself.

I wrote about being in a transitional period right now, where my future *dun dun dun* is often the topic of my thoughts and conversations. I honestly dread when someone asks about my future, because I have no idea! I have no big plan or set path I want to follow, which gives me frequent anxiety, but not everyone knows want they want to do; I'm only 22 (nearly 23, eeep!) so I probably shouldn't be as freaked out as I am, but it can seem as if I'm the only one who hasn't got it 'figured out'. Sometimes I'll catch myself looking forward to being in my thirties, forties, fifties ~where I'll know what I'm doing and be settled and content~ but to get there I have to live today, not wish or worry it away. I still haven't got my exam results back which has caused me anxiety for the past few weeks, because my brain likes to think about the worst that can happen; it's frustrating as it's hard to enjoy the present when an impending future event is making you feel anxious. I am constantly reminding myself 'what will be, will be', and that I'll deal with the situation when I actually get to it! All I can do is take things one day or step at a time and concentrate on what I can do in this moment.

Something my dad has always said is "it will come and it will go", which has kind of become a mantra for me. It reminds me that I should be concentrating on the present, I cannot control the past or future, and everything is temporary. I am blessed in many ways so I aim to be actively grateful and appreciative for what I have and I try to live in the present and be mindful as much as I can. One thing I've learnt is you never know what's around the corner; make the most of today because you don't know what tomorrow will bring. Your life is now, right in this moment, so start living, being present and appreciating everything around you - it will soon be your past.

#5 Limbo and Learning

Just realised it's the last day of September and I haven't written another post since my 'revision' one on the 11th. To be honest, I don't have anything that interesting to write about. The first half of September was filled with revision and the other part I've been recovering from all the studying - it almost feels as if September never really happened.

It'll be two weeks tomorrow since I had my exam and I feel like I'm in limbo; I can't fully relax until I know if I've passed or not - and I still have around four weeks to go. It's strange to go from three years of full-time study to nothing. I love learning (I am 100% an advocate of lifelong learning), I have an incredibly active brain that needs to be kept busy and I cannot stand just sitting around, so I am finding ways to keep on learning and stay busy. I have been; trying out new cooking and baking recipes; throwing myself into my workouts (not literally); looking up courses on FutureLearn; as well as reading up on EFL teaching so I'm prepared for my CELTA course in January. I also want to start re-learning Spanish and do more creative things - we have a ukulele that's never really been played, I'd love to develop my non-existent drawing skills and am thinking about starting acting lessons again. I don't consider myself creatively talented but I wholeheartedly enjoy creative activities, I always have an urge to do ~creative things~ and I find creative expression helps me stay sane. I suppose writing on my blog is classed as creative, right? I want to do something meaningful with my time so I'm toying with the idea of volunteering (if anyone has any volunteering experience please let me know!).

I've also been trying to get back to 'real life' and sorting out things that were put on the back-burner this past year. Meeting up with friends and family, visiting places and I've had a massive bedroom clear-out which was super therapeutic (anyone else find cleaning and organising therapeutic?). I'm starting to sort through all the work I've done over the past three years and thinking about what to do next.

Something else I'm doing is forcing myself to rest and relax; I have a habit of doing too much all at once and burning myself out - I could do a whole blog post just on this. My first two years of OU study were back to back with only a weeks break between the two, and my third year involved 11 months of pretty much non-stop study, so I think I have earned a little holiday without feeling guilty. I have been sleeping for around 10 hours or if less, then I'm power-napping during the day, so I know my body needs to rest and recuperate after quite an intense number months. I like to be kept busy, but it's also important to take time to unwind - reading, walking, yoga and watching documentaries are perfect for this as I still feel like I'm doing something.

I realise I'm in a privileged position where I don't have to worry about bills or other responsibilities, so I want to make the most of this time. I know once I become a ~proper adult~ I'll look back and wish I had been more productive and appreciative of the time I have now. I'm in a transitional phase at the moment so life seems unclear and uncertain; once my degree is confirmed I'll be able to get the ball rolling and start thinking clearly about my next steps. For now, I have to adjust and get comfortable with being in limbo.

Feel free to share how you felt/what you did when your degree ended, or during a transitional time in life - I'd love to hear your stories and experiences.

#4 The Final Countdown & Staying Sane When Revising

This day next week, I will no longer be an undergraduate. All that sits between me and the next stage of my life is a three-hour business exam.

It's certainly going to feel strange when I walk out of the exam hall knowing I don't need to do any further studying or revising. I'm definitely going to have that 'lost', 'stuck in limbo' feeling for a whole month while I wait to see if I have passed - really not looking forward to that anxious wait! Both my second and third years of study have been very intense, so I can't wait to have actual free time to do things and not be worrying about studying.

Revision has been going well and I have near enough covered everything for the exam. I'm feeling comfortable with the material and it helps that I genuinely enjoyed studying the module (B324 - Marketing and Society). That being said, I'm at the point where I just want it to all be over so I can relax. Revision is demanding, so I thought I'd share what I do to make it more bearable.

1) Have a plan. 
Sounds obvious, but having a plan means I know exactly what I have to cover in a day and breaks whole topics down into manageable chunks. This eliminates the feeling of being over-whelmed, and gives structure so I'm not just endlessly revising.

2) Take breaks.
So important! Our brains can only take in so much and if you're constantly revising you'll suffer with info overload. I like to study in little chunks, covering a part of a topic and then having a 5 - 10 minute break to let the information assimilate. I take my breaks away from the place where I'm revising to fully reap the benefits. Then I'll test myself, go back over my notes, and move onto the next part.

3) Listen to your body.
If you're feeling like the information isn't going in, then it probably isn't. If I feel like this then I'll have a small 5-10 minute rest, read over the parts I have already covered and start again. If I'm still feeling rubbish then I'll get a drink and a snack, or have a power nap (I swear by these!). Sometimes a change of topic is needed, so if all else fails then I'll switch to something else.

4) Do something different.
It can feel like revision is taking over, so I make sure I do something that doesn't include study. It's super beneficial to give your brain a rest, and stops that feeling of constantly revising. I like to exercise, bake, read magazines and watch YouTube videos. Anything that is short, enjoyable, relaxing and means you're brain isn't 100% engaged is perfect.

5) Eat and drink.
When I'm very focused I can easily forget about eating and drinking. Revising is hard mental work and you need to have fuel to concentrate and revise effectively. I have a bottle of water with me at all times, ensure I'm eating proper meals with carbs, proteins and fats and have little snacks in-between. Feeling hydrated, satiated and energised really helps me tackle the material.

6) Environment is everything.
Where you study makes such a difference to your revision experience. I tend to study in the living room or my bedroom as I hate 'formal' study places - I like to be able to lay on my bed or sofa and feel comfy. A bit of instrumental background music is fine, but silence is best for me; I'm lucky that I live in a peaceful street and house!

7) Treat Yo'self.
Scheduling a day with little-to-no revising is vital. I take Sundays off, where I just skim over the topics I've covered the past week and spend the day relaxing and socialising. I always feel rested and refreshed on Monday ready for another week.

Revising is hard, and balance is key; being strict with yourself and being kind, doing enough so you cover what you need and also taking time away from studying. Remember it's only for a short amount of time and when it's over you can have a well earned rest. I'm planning on sleeping and not moving for a whole week ;) Do you have any tips that keep you going when revising? Let me know!

#3 My CELTA Entry Interview and Exam Experience

If you're just after my experience then scroll down a little; you're missing out on a fab intro though ;)

Travelling is something I have wanted to do for a long time. Now that my degree is near enough finished I'm thinking towards the future and what to do next. If there's one thing I can firmly say about myself, it's thinking far ahead does not come naturally to me - I'm much more of a 'go with the flow, see what happens' type of person. While I really enjoyed my degree subject and have quite a few 'avenues' I can go down, I haven't got a definite path or plan for the future (I could do a whole post just on this!)

The conflict between having a stable, secure life and wanting to get out there and see the world is something I think a lot of people struggle with. I'm sure I'll want the former at some point, but at the moment I want to make the most of being young and having little responsibility. In a perfect world I'd be able to travel and earn an income, so I searched the internet for ideas - that's when I found the route of 'teaching English as a foreign language'. Teaching is a profession I have always considered going into, so being able to teach and travel? Ding ding ding, the jackpot was hit. *Cue about 18 months of researching and consideration*

There are many types of 'ESL/EFL' teaching qualification, I ended up choosing CELTA (Cambridge Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults) as it seems to be the most respected and recognised. I had a look online and found a local college that runs the course. I sent an email asking for more info and booked an interview date - eeep!


MY EXPERIENCE
Disclaimer: CELTA interviews and exams vary depending on who is running the course. Some people are given a test before the interview, others on the day. The interview may be in person, via skype or over the phone. That being said, there are definitely similarities in topics covered and I found reading others' experiences useful for preparation, so I thought I'd share mine.

My interview and exam were held at the college where the course is run. We started with the exam and the tutor interviewed prospective students throughout in another room.

While I won't disclose exact questions, the topics covered were:
1. Teaching ideas
2. Phonology - stressed syllables
3. Parts of Speech
4. Differences in meaning between similar words
5. Tenses
6. Meaning of words depending on context
7. Correcting badly written sentences
8. Extended piece of writing (writing about a topic, often to do with teaching).

The exam is not ridiculously hard, but if you haven't studied English Language in a while you will need to study - you cannot bluff your way through the exam (or the course for that matter). It tests various aspects of English language, as well as teaching methods, so grab a couple of books and study them! My college actually gave us a list of topics to revise and books to use for preparation. The internet also has a wealth of information so have a good search (I'll leave a some links at the end).

The interview was pretty informal. The tutor asked me a few questions about teaching and myself, and also explained the course. Many have said it's not necessarily about having the 'right' answers but showing willingness and passion, and I would agree. The course is extremely practical so they need to see that you are confident and willing to take criticism.

The next day I got an email saying I had passed the exam and interview, and was offered a place *woo-hoo!*

The whole process lasted around 2 hours, which whizzed by! It's really not as scary as it sounds; if you have knowledge of English language and show you are willing to learn and teach, there is no reason why you shouldn't get a place. If you're not accepted don't be disheartened, CELTA isn't cheap so it's best to do the course when you're ready - this is a reason why the course seemed so credible, they won't accept you unless they think you can pass.

My course doesn't start until January so I have some time to prepare and study even more. I'm planning on documenting my experience so check back to see how I'm getting on! If you have any questions or comments leave them below and we can have a chat :)

Useful links for studying:
http://www.educationscotland.gov.uk/knowledgeoflanguage/english/index.asp
http://www.grammar-monster.com/index.html
https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/parts-of-speech-table.htm
http://www.englishleap.com/grammar/tenses
http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/verbtenseintro.html
http://www.passthecelta.com/celta-course/comprehensive-celta-guide

#2 One Month To Go...

It feels crazy to write than in exactly a month today I will have finished my degree. It seems so close yet still far.

I'm in the middle of writing my last assignment at the moment and am trying to make the most of it, because who knows when I'm going to be completing another piece of academic writing. Since October last year I have had endless assignments and a number of times it seemed like they would never end, but I've near-enough made it! Sending off this last assignment is definitely going to be a bittersweet moment; relief for finishing, but also some sadness, and definitely a lot of nerves as I then have three weeks of revision for my exam.

I can feel that pre-exam adrenaline already setting in, which is ridiculous as the exam isn't for another month but ugh, while I've never been 'bad' at taking exams let's be real, they sure ain't fun. Do people exist that prefer exams over assignments/course-work? If so, they must be super-human.

Whenever I have an event ahead that makes me feel nervous I always get stuck between wishing the day was here so I can get it out the way, and also wishing it was further away so I have more time to prepare.

If there's one thing I can take away from all the studying I have done over the years it's to make lists and plans; that way I can keep on track and stop myself from procrastinating and leaving everything for the last minute - I am the worst for doing that. I have a revision plan ready so if all goes well I should be entering the exam hall ready to kick that exam's butt *fingers crossed*.

Anyways enough procrastinating from my assignment, hoping to get another post in somewhere this month to keep up with my 'two posts a month' goal.

Until next time!

#1 The Start

All year I have been thinking it.
Saying to myself "I'll do it soon", "once I get this assignment out of the way, then I'll start!"
Now it's the end of July and I'm finally starting.
I'm blogging, again.
It's quite nice actually.
Seeing as for the past three years any writing I have done has been extremely academic and formal, it's freeing to be able to just type my thoughts and write in a friendly voice.
I actually had a blog before, in 2011 but it fell to the wayside as I started university.
I think that was before blogging really took off; looking back I probably should have stuck with it.
But hey, I'm starting now.
Who knows how long I'll keep this up. I am great at starting things, but I quickly lose interest and move on to something else.
Maybe if I give myself a goal, two posts a month? That seems reasonable, right?
Ok, two posts a month on whatever I feel like, I can do that.
Well, I've made a start, let's see if I can continue.
Follow my blog with Bloglovin