One word that other people have used consistently to describe me throughout my life is 'laid-back'. Even school reports from when I was really young use some kind of adjective such as relaxed, calm, mellow, etc. Then, in secondary school, teachers confused my air of 'easy-goingness' as 'coasting' - which was so not true. It was kind of ironic, considering by the time I reached my leaving exams (GCSEs) I experienced several panic attacks and had constant problems with my tonsils due to stress.
I do agree to some extent that, yes, I am quite laid-back; I don't freak-out during stressful situations, I am more than happy to go along with other people's plans, and I don't tend to let little day-to-day things bother me. My parents have always said I was a really calm child, and I do believe my true self is really as cool as a cucumber. However, you would be 100% wrong to assume I never feel anxious or worried. I remember having to give a presentation in school and being ridiculously nervous, yet my teacher singled me out for delivering a confident, enjoyable speech. I was so confused, because I was such a wreck before-hand and was sure that would come through once I spoke. What I have realised over the years, is I have a brilliant poker face. I can appear to be composed, even if I have a million anxious thoughts running through my head. You know that saying about a duck looking calm, but paddling like crazy underneath the water? - that is definitely me.
A word that could be associated with being laid-back, is patience. I used to believe I was patient, but as I'm getting older I feel my patience levels are decreasing. I think it's a mix between living in a 24/7 world where everything is delivered straight away, and because I am so aware of mortality that I have developed an urgency to do everything right now before I get old and die. It also doesn't help that you're expected to have 10 years of work experience when you've just graduated, which adds to my need to accomplish a million and one things at once. I find reading about other's successes, especially those around my age, adds to my impatience. When people talk about their awesome job and finding their ~path and passion~, I end up wishing that was me right now.
I have been reading Lisa Jakub's amazing blog, where she talks a lot about finding your 'authentic path', which is basically what I'm trying to do now. I sent her a tweet and she replied with this pearl of wisdom. The 'just be patient' part really stood out to me. We are bombarded with people's accomplishments, but their trials and struggles are often glossed over. It's easy to paint someone as an overnight sensation, when it has really taken them years of hard graft and lows to get to that point. This is where my patience problem lies. I need to acknowledge that these years of my life are my hard-grafting phase; exertion, rejection, and wrong turns in my path will be rife.
There's a post circulating on social media at the moment, which highlights several well-known people that didn't achieve or start working towards their dreams until various points in their life. Being of the Disney Channel/YouTube generation, where child stars and young people are wildly rich and successful (though, happy? maybe not) and held as the ultimate goal, I have acquired a weird guilt that I'm not that. Which is stupid, because I am sure that level of attention would drive me crazy! What that post emphasised to me is, it's okay to not have reached your dreams, or discovered your authentic path at the ripe old age of 22 ;), or at any age. And those who do achieve their goals at a young age or very quickly, are anomalies. We need time and lots of hard work to get there. Success isn't an easy journey from A to B, it's more like climbing a mountain range full of ups and downs, highs and lows.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Achievements don't happen overnight. It's our efforts over countless days and nights, spanning months and years, that lead us to create something worthwhile and of meaning. So, in the words of Lisa, I'm going to be patient and enjoy the journey.
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