Throwing another pair of shorts onto the ever-growing pile, I let out a huge sigh. Not of relief, but of frustration. I am one pair of shorts away from dramatically collapsing on my bed, and declaring I'm incarcerating myself in my bedroom for the summer. No amount of strutting like Beyoncé, or contorting in front of my mirror seeking 'good lighting' is making me feel better. There's an image in my mind of the kind of body that all these shorts belong on, and it's 100% not mine.
This annual pre-sunbathing routine was a fixture in my life for years, beginning in my early-teens. Womens' bodies have been broken down into 'problem areas' for years, so naturally that's how I began to view my body - as a problem. I didn't possess washboard abs so bikini bottoms were out of the question for sunbathing, and only shorts that covered the lower part of my tummy would do. As soon as the summer months start approaching we are bombarded with messages through the media that the body we possess at this moment in time is not 'bikini-ready'. You need to get your 'beach body' now. You are not good enough in your present state for the all hallowed months of summer. Adverts on the TV start showing women orgasming over yoghurt, everything becomes low calorie and fat-free, and we're suggested to start ridiculous cereal diets. The women held up as the ultimate goal are often airbrushed models with basically zero body fat. I was part of the young generation fed images of highly Photoshopped, extremely skinny girls being heralded as the epitome of beauty. It's not hard to see why I felt like crap when I simply wanted to bear some skin to sunbathe in my garden.
A super toned, lean body is relatable and easily attainable for some, my sister has this exact body type where no matter what she stays crazy slim and lean, but why is this the only body deemed by the media to be 'summer ready'? Why are women being told parts of their body are 'problematic'? Why is so much attention paid to how we look in a bikini, in the first place? According to the mainstream, a toned tummy is a key accessory for a woman. I find this bizarre because for many women it is pretty much biologically impossible to achieve a flat, lean stomach and maintain a low amount of overall body fat. I wish I could link to a proper scientific study, but these two articles highlight how many factors affect women's tummies including hormones, age, stress and genetics. A constantly flat stomach and low overall body fat are actually quite unnatural for women, so why are we always represented in this way and told this is what we should be aiming for?
I honestly thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger because I found it so hard to achieve and maintain a lean stomach. I had only ever really seen images of very toned tummies (excluding art from centuries ago where soft bellies were all the rage) so assumed I should naturally have one too. In tv shows and films, even after a woman has eaten a big meal, her stomach will be as flat as a pancake if shown. Magazines plaster images of female celebs on their pages with a red circle around their slightly curved tummy questioning how many months pregnant they are - because obviously only pregnant women have a curved stomach *insert infinite eyerolls here*.
I exercise regularly, eat a healthy balanced diet and have a somewhat slim and toned body, but there is no way I can maintain a round-the-clock, 365 days a year flat stomach and I would have to work very hard to achieve a lean body. When I wake up in the morning with an empty stomach then yes, my stomach is flat. But throughout the day as I eat and drink, a curve appears. Our bodies adapt to hold the fuel we need to live and allow us to enjoy big yummy comforting meals. I remember watching Juno and the scene where they mention a 'food baby' was a complete revelation to me - other girl's tummies resemble one holding a four-month old fetus when they've eaten a big meal too?!? Body fat is vital for female bodies and mine sure loves to store it around my lower stomach and hips - like lots of other women. And if it's that time of the month then I'm sure to be puffy with water retention. Representation of women's bodies has somewhat improved due to much public outcry; I've seen various businesses showing their swimwear/lingerie on a range of bodies, and recently the Mayor of London banned body shaming ads from public transport. However, we still have a way to go before we see these 'bikini-body' messages and flat tummy expectations eradicated altogether.
Years of subliminal summer brainwashing doesn't disappear overnight. I still catch myself being self conscious, but I refuse to spend my days starved and dehydrated, and exhausted from endless hours of exercise to fit into someone's definition of beauty and 'bikini-ready'. I'm tired of trying to fight how my body naturally wants to be. People love to put women into one homogeneous group, but we are not all the same. We are individuals (shock horror!) and actual human beings - not just bodies and problem areas. There is no 'wrong' or 'right' way to look. And, to be honest, there are much more important things to concentrate on than achieving what the mainstream subjectively deems 'beautiful'. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself and feel your best, just don't fall into the trap of beating yourself up and wanting to be someone other than you. Here in the UK we only get a select few proper days of summer; we should be busy soaking up the sun, not feeling self conscious. As I type this, it has been pouring rain and everyone is willing the sun to break through the clouds. The truth is we are already ready for summer, for beaches, and for bikinis just the way we are.
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